The Colbert Report

Stephen opens the show by showing a clip from Fox News' Fox and Friends, talking about the invisible beam that makes a person think he is on fire. Stephen then talks about how he stole his neighbor's New York Times and argues with David Leonhardt about what one could do with $1.2 trillion. This is followed by a new segment, "Judge, Jury, and Executioner" and ends by revealing the new microwave (fitted with a Colbert Report logo) which he would be sending to Bill O'Reilly after stealing his earlier.